I’ve managed to turn this into the lamest blog ever…but in my defence…which I know none of you will buy for a second…I’ve had an incredible I.T nightmare this last couple of weeks. I’m actually on someone else’s computer now posting this in fact as I have been most of the past few weeks. I hopefully received the last crucial ingredient from the courier this morning…a new router. If I go home and it doesn’t work I am going to implement some sort of ‘jihad’ on the interweb and take it down for good…because if I can’t have the interweb…no one can.
Anyway…I’ve had a few emails from people asking whether I’m bored with the blog, have I run out of stuff to say, have I killed myself on my new bike. I’ve had other emails stating that I’m useless, hopeless and pathetic…I’m not sure whether to file those under ‘blog’ or ‘personal’ though although maybe they were just making a general statement of fact. Any way…I know you’ve heard this all before but I hope normal service shortly…and for normal read better.
On another note…I’ve had a few emails from people asking about ‘internships’…anyone who really wants to train can come and train…all you need to do is pay €220/month like everyone else. The way it works is you pay your money…we do a full functional movement analysis…if you can walk into the gym you’ve passed the first bit. Then you do your testing while everyone stands around ridiculing you and trying to put off…I usually lead this charge as I have the most experience psychologically dismantling formerly healthy and stable athletes. Then we go through what you are doing and what you want to do and I put together your program…then it is just a matter of turning up(some don’t…thankfully we’ve had a few who were so scarred by their first experience that they never came back…which is great…I wish I had more athletes like that)…we have group training mornings and nights through the week and on Saturday’s as well. We’ve got athletes who do 8-10 sessions a week…mornings and nights…and some who just do 2 sessions…depends on the athlete and depends on the goals. So…if you want to do an ‘internship’ that’s great…pay me €220/month and you can be in the gym from 7am till 10pm and learn how to take the piss out of athletes like a real professional…you might even learn something about training as well…I’ll let you can see the testing…ie…watch people not do 100 push ups…16 year old female basketballers not pull double bodyweight…formerly fat weak athletes not get abs and smash PB’s, learn how to write programs…well how I write them that is…this includes seeing me dangerously combine cardio and strength training…I like to live on the edge, you can ask me any questions you like but be warned…if it is a stupid question…you will either get a smack in the head or ridiculed till you feel the need to go home and cry…or as once happened…go and tell your Mum on me and have her come speak to me…that really worked well for that athlete as you can well imagine…yes…all this could be yours for just €220/month…that €9,995 value for just €220…you will forever look back and think how enlightened professionally you were by the experience but I doubt that…because apparently I’m rubbish.