Was working out of the office this evening

Well for a little while anyway.

See if you can pick the odd man out in this photo?

The guys loved there fitness work…they were almost begging me for more.

I hate it when actual rugby training gets in the way of fitness work.

This is as light as the tackling gets…like most things in sport…it’s all about getting your technique right.

Then the Pottsy totally upstaged me…he dropped a knowledge bomb on the backs…he’s trying to explain tackling to a bunch of guys who are better known for their fantastic taste in clothes and for watching on for most of the game while the forwards do all the hard work only to swoop in after all the hard yards have been to score the tries and get all the glory.

He might as well be talking to a wall.

Naturally I would love to blog more…but I’m going to go out and supervise the lads while they have a couple of Diet Cokes in farewell to Frank the Tank who is leaving for the sunnier climate of Chester, England.


You’ve got to be Bold to be Beautiful

Had two new clients start today…two lovely ladies…hang on….ladies makes them sound old….two girls then….but that makes them sound really young…two women or two chicks…whatever you prefer. They’ve basically come for some fat removal and I intend to thoroughly de-fat them. I’m talking about the removal of ‘bingo wings’ and the creation of a ‘single arse’…instead of a ‘multiple arse’ that goes from knee to mid back. I haven’t talked about my ‘normal’ clients much but I realise some people reading this that might be more interested in the ‘personal training’ side of things. Basically as I said before…I don’t do personal training…I’ve been there and done that and have no interest in it any more. But I do still have a lot of private clients…the thing is they do what all the athletes do…they show up. I write their programs and they train in the gym with all the other athletes.

These two….let’s just call them Lisa and Laura to protect there anonymity are going to do 4 sessions a week. Monday to Thursday. They are going to come in…warm up…do the prehab and mobility work that they need to do then they are going to go at it. They’ll do 10 minutes of some sort of traditional cardio either of the steady state of interval variety. Then do a block of 15 minutes of weights…this will be 1, 2, 3 or 4 exercises done either as straight sets or circuit style work. This will be followed by another 10 minutes of the same style of work that they began with and then more weights then more cardio.

So their training template will look like this:

Warm Up + Mobility + Prehab Work
10 mins – Cardio = Bike, Treadmill, Rower (steady state or intervals).
15 mins – Weights = Straight sets or circuits of 1, 2, 3 or 4 exercises.
10 mins – Cardio = Bike, Treadmill, Rower (steady state or intervals).
15 mins – Weights = Straight sets or circuits of 1, 2, 3 or 4 exercises.
10 mins – Cardio = Bike, Treadmill, Rower (steady state or intervals).
Then whatever cool down and stretching I think is necessary.

They are doing a month of this…we’ll reassess at that time how they are going. They were thinking 3 months but basically if I don’t think they are serious or that they aren’t committed or putting in like everyone else then they are going to get sacked and they can go back to their personal trainers. I also have their before photos…so girls when you read this be sure you understand you have 2 choices….either 1. You can work your arses off both figuratively and literally…and then we can sit down and decide whether we want to show off and post your pics of before and after and gloat….or…2. You can waste my time and not work your arses off both figuratively and literally and I will stalk you like a tabloid paparazzi and get some pics of you in as unflattering and embarrassing poses and positions as I possibly can and post those. So basically it is going to be down to you two how this works out for you.

On another note
There was a particular moron online who was commenting on the poor push up form of one of my athletes doing rehab…to cut a long story short…this particular athlete was with me doing his rehab after suffering from Parsonage Turner Syndrome…you can google it yourselves but in short he suffered severe wasting of his lat and a lot of associated lat and shoulder dysfunction. Basically the guy was lucky to be able to do ‘a’ push up let alone one with full range of motion.

I think you can see for yourself the damage that was done?

Keep in mind that this is after we’ve done a fairly significant amount of work building him back up.

Anyway…this particular discussion with this idiot in particular got me thinking…usually it just makes me laugh…that the internet really is full of complete imbeciles and I should know…because I’m one of them. More to the point that people really don’t know what they are talking about. They look at videos on the internet of people lifting and comment on ‘form’…that this person has crap form and this person has great form…but what are you really looking at? I mean I could if I wanted ‘stage’ every single video I put up. I’m a good enough coach that I could make every single video perfect…I mean every push up, pull up, clean, squat, deadlift…every single exercise I could coach and modify to the point that it would take some serious exercise ‘lab coating’ to pick it to pieces and find fault. I could carefully select every single exercise video I put up and only upload the ones that are actually perfect…if people seriously think that is what I do or that this is what this blog is about than some people are even stupider than I thought….and believe me…I think a lot of people on the internet are pretty stupid so that takes some doing.

Two things came together in this single thread on this particular forum…1. That the form of my athletes was poor and therefore I was by extension a crap coach and 2. Another poster was trying to make the point that all I care about is how I am ‘perceived’ and that all my posts are all about me ‘marketing myself’…keep in mind…this particular person is also so idiotic as to think I was posting to promote all my non existent books…and that my whole ‘online persona’ was a carefully constructed fabrication…that I was trying to ‘present’ myself as someone ‘who doesn’t care what anyone else thinks’.

Now in answer to these 2 points.

1. That my athletes like all athletes do some stuff perfectly and some stuff that is a mess…I tend to show as much of both as I can because usually I use the camera for coaching feedback rather than to have something to post…for example…here is an athlete making an absolute mess of his 2 reps on his box squat with 180kgs.

This is not an ‘instructional video’.

This was a mess so what we did was take 5 minutes break and did it again…this time perfectly…actually…not perfectly…that’s a stupid thing to say…he did it much better.

In short I am not making a training manual or video detailing the perfect execution of exercises…these are just videos of training…simple as that.

2. If I stopped this blog tomorrow and I stopped posting on forums on the internet do any of you want to take a guess how much effect this would have on my annual income? I can’t wait for you to get back to me so let me tell you. If I stopped blogging and posting my income would only go up because I would probably be forced to do more work and hence I’d get paid more. The only income I get is from coaching or from coaching consultancy and approximately less than zero of that comes in anyway shape or form from the internet. If anything my blogging and forum posting probably has a bigger negative effect on my income because people realise before they actually come and pay for coaching what an arsehole I am and I don’t get that first months payment out of them before they come in and train and find out for themselves.

So anyway…I better get back to work.

Oh and here’s some not so great and far from perfect 100kg cleans with Darcy falling forward a little…maybe I will only put up bad lifts and poor form for a while…at least I’d get a lot more laughs out of some of the idiots I encounter online who have never coached a day in their lives but think they know everything about everything especially when it comes to training and coaching.

Perfect? No…but do people really think he doesn’t know that?

Sorry for the lack of updates

I’ve been busy working on my marketing, promoting my books and constructing my online persona…or that’s at least what I’ve been told that I’ve been doing. I am going to do a proper update tonight…might even have a rant if I have the time and energy.

First I want to say well done to Jessica who tested today and added 10kg to her Bench Press and 15kg to her Trap Bar Deadlift. She’s worked really hard since she started with me way back on the 20th of June and unbeknownst to her she’s going to start working even harder. For a 15 year old girl she has a fantastic work ethic….and by fantastic work ethic I mean she doesn’t argue with me and does everything she’s told when she’s told…which is the most important thing in my book.

The rugby lads have started back on the pitch this week. I am going to video some of the contact sessions so you guys that aren’t acquainted with rugby get an idea of what is involved…I really wish I had the camera with me yesterday. The things I wished I’d captured in no particular order are as follows:
1. Goodser getting smashed walking innocently walking back to get into position by Colm who was struggling with the idea of toning down his tackling at 80%.
2. Chunky who due to the fact that he was struggling with the idea of how to ramp up to 80% had a can of whoop-ass opened up on him by Cookies.

Smythy…the body of a finely tuned coach and former professional athlete.
3. Joey asking Smythy (coach…you’d realise he was a coach if you looked at him…we are pretty much all built the same) hopefully just before the conditioning work was going to start what time it was…he had to be somewhere at 9.00pm…Smythy, knowing what was a foot he assured Joey that he had plenty of time for conditioning work…whether he did or not…there are some thing’s they can’t teach you about coaching.
4. Chops during his conditioning work doing a very good impression of Forrest Gump.

I know you are all sick of Pull Ups

But I don’t really care.

Grisso tested today…I actually videoed his push up test but accidently deleted it when I was trying to edit it…this was mainly due to the fact that I am not very bright.

So he tested on the 1st of July and his results were as follows:

1st of July
Weight: 87.6kg
Bench: 110kg
Pull Ups: 9reps
Push Ups: 53reps
Inverted Rows: 20reps
Trap Bar Deadlift: 170kg

Then tested this morning.

28th of July
Weight: 87.8kg
Bench: 115kg
Pull Ups: 11reps
Push Ups: 63reps
Inverted Rows: 33reps
Trap Bar Deadlift: 190kg

I think he should be pretty happy with that…I am…he’s basically just been on a transition program to get him back and ready for his actual program. I want to get his playing weight up over 90kg during this next phase of training before his training camp in France.

I’m posted these 2 videos…I really wanted to be able to put them on a split screen and sync them so we could have a Grisso vs Grisso Pull Up competition but I’m just not that bright and don’t really have a clue how to do it…maybe you can just do it on YouTube yourself…just press play at the appropriate times.

I was actually laughing looking at the videos because if you look in the background of both videos you can also see how well Chops month of training has gone.

28th of July

The athletes appearing in the following post are actually paid actors

I’m still laughing about the posts I read this morning. I’ve finally been ‘found out’…I should put a disclaimer out the front of the gym and on the blog to protect myself from a lawsuit.

Note: The text, images, videos, athletes, sweat, blood and tears that may appear are works of fiction and may or may not represent reality.

I’d say this actor wished he was working at a children’s party today or maybe doing a commercial for toothpaste.

Logi was calling an ambulance right after his session…he needn’t of worried…the ambulance guy was right outside keeping an eye on him.

Naturally that’s not his own sweat that he’s bathed in.

This actor did well considering he usually earns his dollars as a body double for “Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson”.

I put these actors through their paces this morning.

Bike 10 mins – 5mins Level 5..then increasing a level every minute at each minute interval.
1A 3 Pull Ups
1B 10 Push Ups
1C Bridging…it was done by Logi and Tank so while Logi did his Pull Ups and Push Ups the Tank was bridging and then swapped over…they did as many circuits as possible in 15 minutes.
Bike 10 mins – 5mins Level 5..then increasing a level every minute at each minute interval.
2A 10 reps Bench Press
2B 10 Reps Inverted Rows
2C 10 Barbell windscreen wipers…once again done as a 15 minute circuit.
Bike 10 mins – 5mins Level 5..then increasing a level every minute at each minute interval.

So an hour of work and well done.

Would you want to train after these guys?

Patrick did his testing today…we are going to start a body building phase next.
Results as follows:
TrapBar Deadlift – 100kg
Bench Press – 60kg
Pull Ups – 1 rep
Push Ups – 32
Inverted Rows – 15

Oh…I forgot…apparently none of my athletes squat to depth either!

Not sure how much deeper this guy can go?

A quick apology

I just wanted to apologise to you all…particularly anyone that has asked me any questions here or via email. I was just reading on the internet this morning that apparently I never answer any direct questions…this came as a bit of a surprise naturally as I thought I was actually trying my best.

I also don’t apparently do any work with any real athletes…I know this will surprise some of you reading this…especially those of you that consider yourselves real.

I’ve been told that the facility isn’t real…the athletes aren’t real…oh and I forgot…I also don’t train or have never trained any Olympians…I know some of you will find this extra surprising considering many of you have actually trained with them…but apparently none of you are real either so what would you know.

Anyway…I have to run because I have to go and test and coach some of you non existent athletes at my non existent facility this morning.

I hope you all accept my apology for avoiding your questions and misleading you.

P.S: I also found out that according to the masters of the internet…none of your records or achievements count unless there is video footage of it so you are all just going to have to start all over again…it’s not my rules…I was told that nothing any of you have done is ‘real’ unless it can be shown on the world wide interweb.

Kira said…
apology accepted 🙂
Thanks…that puts me at ease.
I’m amazed at the amount of negative shit you get sent!
I’m glad I do…because if some of the people making these comments agreed with me or supported me I’d probably give it all away and kill myself out of desperation and disappointment at where my career had led me. I hope they always disagree with me and rubbish me because that will always reassure me that I am doing the right thing.

I spose your blunt writing style might piss some people off.
You think my writing style is blunt…you should try getting coached by me…then you’ll see blunt.

Did someone really say that you’re athletes aren’t real? LOL. That means you’ve got a pretty elaborate ruse going on 🙂
Yes, I’ve had that lots of times. Along with stuff like the time that someone who emailed me and said that I had stolen photos for my blog off someone else at bodybuilding.com. Along with the videos I stole…these would be the ones I stole that I actually appear in…work that one out? I get lots of that stuff….my favourites are the ones that start off this way….’I don’t read you blog but….’. I have one guy that doesn’t read my blog that emails every couple of weeks just to tell me that along with a detailed explanation of all the things that I am doing wrong.

We were discussing this morning how extensive and detailed my deception is…how I even manage to get apparently fake athletes to mention me in their biographies and in national newspapers…it’s really some caper I have going on.

I didn’t even know you were training elite athletes when I first started reading your blog.
Apparently I don’t???

I actually read your rants because I find most of what you say useful and your writing style is pretty bloody amusing. . .
I need to make more time for ranting…I did a lot more before when I was working less….damn all this fake working eating into my internet ranting time.

The fact that you probably know what your talking about is just an added bonus 🙂
Now even I wouldn’t go that far.
July 26, 2008 10:36 AM

ian said…
Will said…
but apparently none of you are real either so what would you know.

Which reminds me – can you send me an eMail with the list of questions I have to post up on your blog.
Don’t put your stupid questions down to me…you really will ruin my reputation.
July 26, 2008 10:52 AM

Jonathan said…
The rulez of the interwez are like fight club and your breaking the rules!!!
I need to get that rule book.
What will happen first? You reach ultimate gurudom or I get JAKT? By the looks of it I seem to be ahead.
You are miles ahead…and that says a lot.
July 26, 2008 12:24 PM

Michael Sullivan said…
I can’t sing, dance or act but all of my training is fake and I am fat. Can I be in a fake training video on your fake blog?
Perfect…you are just the sort of person I’m looking for…particularly to stand next to me in videos.
July 26, 2008 5:05 PM

ian said…
Will Said…
Perfect…you are just the sort of person I’m looking for…particularly to stand next to me in videos.

Is that to make Michael look like an athlete and thinner?
Definitely to make me look thinner.

By the way, is Irish Lifting near your facility? If I manage to get to Dublin I might be able to visit.
I never been out to check out Mick’s warehouse but if and when you do we’ll take a picnic lunch and make a day of it.
July 26, 2008 8:10 PM